Dream in a small village I am raised by Native Americans, Half- breeds. My grandmother is alive and well. She is the one that looks at me with love, patience, kind and abrupt.
The whole town is together for a celebration, a ceremony, to bring together other people. After the courageous sweat lodge, a large meat steak and eggs with the custom bannock and bakery we love. The Sweat, to refresh our spirits and cleanse the impurities baptized from our bodies rains. Pounding drums of my mother’s heartbeat, made from animal hide, striking with bone and sinew. Songs wailing of birth giving. Crying suffer for the new born again. Smiles from the people I love, we crawl out and into the nearest pure lake.
Found myself in this predicament with no shoes, or even sweatpants of my own to wear. In doubt of mind I ask a woman I recognize my own age, she pleads with her uncles to bear me a gift of clothing and shoes. Reflection I accustom myself of now is a starved man, cheek bones, ribs, next to no teeth in head. The people I love, (we call ourselves) look at me behind their blocking hand, pressing temples, weep inside. Coming to reality, I must have been in a debilitating crash/ accident. Crave for alcohol and drugs has sickened my soul, I’ve smoked out my teeth, traded every belonging for simple drink to put life pain at bay.
Quick to assume this is the new ordinary for the man. They do not consider him a boxer. Bound by the wrong coach and referee. 1,2,3, down. Coach says the best fighter can get up after getting knocked out. The trainer on his knees behind the fighter to let the opponent trigger and knock down our hero after said battle was to be ended. One more round, without him knowing. Mental breakdowns leave the fighter punch drunk, broke and sad. Who to trust after the faith is gone. He is wrong. The enemy is inside.
I do not recognize my reflection, is this me. Lad is in a short dream again. Must be black n blue inside that poor head of yours son. Take it easy, try a shower to feel better…1,2,3, Look at me. Who is the personal trainer in your life, is it you?
